It’s hard to believe that just two years ago my significant other abruptly ended our relationship to be with one of our mutual friends. I was shocked. Especially since he had told me over and over that he had no interest in her.
I had to learn a lot of things the hard way, including that I kept choosing the same kind of narcissistic partners. There was a huge clash between what I wanted and when I kept choosing.
This person often made cheap shots at me saying I was disrespectful, often falsely accused me of cheating and online dating, and tried to control my wardrobe choices, my actions and my career moves.
It was exhausting. I have never before been so purposefully misunderstood or with someone who was so difficult to be with.
But I picked myself up and kept going for myself. I persevered because there was nobody but me who was going to help me. I rebuilt my personal and professional life. I cut out anyone who supported their relationship from my life.
I realized that I was more upset over the way things went down then about losing this person who I knew was wrong for me from almost day one.
The betrayal and being replaced part was the hardest to get over, but once I realized what a terrible person he was and looked at his track record before me, I was fine.
For so long I wanted to scream from the rooftops to correct the injustices that were spread about me by them and other people. I wanted to clear my name.
Then I realized that I didn’t really care what these people thought of me and that it didn’t matter one bit because I wasn’t dealing with good people who had my best interests at heart. They were determined to misunderstand me and all I wanted to do was get as far away from them.
There was a point when they tried to intimidate me but it was based on lies – a house of cards just like my relationship with him.
And today I am buying a home in the place I used to come with him each summer but have been afraid to do so because of fear of running into him and this woman.
I recently saw them in that same place, and I felt nothing.
Actually I felt pity for all the destruction their selfishness caused in our friend group and in my life.
If you ran into someone who really hurt you, would you know what to say to them? Would you confront them? Would you freeze up? Would you hold your head high or would you fall apart?Maybe you had replayed this moment forever and then when you got the opportunity just wasn’t worth it anymore. That’s what happened to me.
When I saw them, I saw a middle-aged, older looking couple that no amount of airbrushing and Facetuning can erase who they really are in my opinion – fake and superficial.
I am so thankful I didn’t wind up with a person who was capable of moving on with such lightening speed and with someone we knew – the epitome of narcissistic and selfish behavior.
I’m also thankful I didn’t wind up with someone who smeared me to everyone we knew, spreading falsehoods about me to justify what he did and had absolutely no regard for what his selfish actions would do to me and my life.
I learned that he was the kind of person who would tell you they were your soulmate while stabbing you in the back and replacing you the next minute.
It took me a long time to trust my judgment again and to restore my faith in people. But I did. And I realized that they were an exception to the rule.
If you think you are with a narcissist – here are some signs to look out for:
- An intense lovebombing phase followed by devaluation – intense praise followed by verbal abuse
- Gaslighting – making you disbelieve your reality.
- Sabotaging your friendships, other relationships and your career.
- Constant lying and projection to avoid responsibility.
- Never being at fault for any issues – turning all of the blame on you instead.
- Having a huge sense of entitlement and displaying selfish behavior. You owe them for everything.
I am feeling pretty good about myself now because my success in overcoming all of this occurred due to a lot hard work/long nights, determination and not quitting on myself when I wanted to.
Patience, persistence and resilience were the keys to rebuilding my life and finding success in every aspect of my life.
We are all so much stronger and more resilient than we think we are.
If I can do it so can you. What doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger.
So for all of you who have been through some thing equally as painful and eye-opening, join me in celebrating just how how far you’ve come and let’s look ahead to the future.