I know it’s hard to be rejected.
Whether it’s from a job, a relationship, a friendship, a home you wanted, a school you wanted to attend or anything in life. It just plain sucks.
I know because I’ve been there too.
I’ve been fired, dumped, had friends betray me and didn’t get a job I wanted. In some cases, these things happened a few times. That’s just life.
But if you can see being rejected as being redirected to something better – and take the ego out of not getting what you wanted – or thought you wanted – you will be in a much better place. You’ll also become more resilient.
The best way to deal with uncomfortable emotions is to face them head-on. It is important to allow yourself time to process your hurt feelings – just don’t wallow in them.
Making a list of positive qualities you possess can curb negative self-talk after the ego blow and help you bounce back sooner.
Speak to yourself like a trusted friend. Drown out your harsh inner critic by surrounding yourself with people who make you feel valued. Rejection unsettles our fundamental need to belong, which is why it’s crucial to spend time with those who accept and love you for who you are.
When you take another look at rejection, you may notice that rejection is protection. You were being protected from something.
In my case, it was settling for someone who I knew was the wrong person for me in every way. I knew that from day one but I ignored the red flags (my fault), and chose to see what I wanted to see instead of reality. I luckily only wasted a few years of my life, but it was nonetheless a lesson learned the hard way.
I don’t talk about my current personal life that much on the blog, but let’s just say when you find the right person you know and you don’t have to change yourself and they accept you for you. I can finally exhale and know that everything I went through over the past few years was worth it because it led me to the life I was supposed to live and the partner with whom I was supposed to be.
Think of rejection as redirection towards something better and more suited for you.
I was let go from a job because my work suffered when that ex suddenly left me for reasons that didn’t quite add up. I had trouble concentrating at work and was depressed. My employer was less than understanding – and surprisingly, the least empathetic people at the firm were women. I remember one day my boss told me to compartmentalize my anguish during the day. As if it was only that easy right?
I wound up starting my own business, and it took off in ways I never imagined. Part of that is because I was always building my network and brand – and not just when I was job hunting. I recommend everyone does that.
Instead of taking another job at a law firm, I stuck with being an entrepreneur and I love it. I get to work from wherever I want, see my puppies all day and I am my own boss. I choose with whom I want to work and when. I have flexibility with my schedule and my life, and no one can ever do what my employer harshly did to me.
Unfortunately I had to again learn this lesson the hard way, but once I realized that it was just business to them, that every single person can easily be replaced and that I wouldn’t want to work at a place that did not support its people through a rough time under any circumstances, I walked away with my head held high and never looked back. I have a feeling there was more to the story that I will probably never know – but what I do know is that there is no excuse for how I was treated.
When all was said and done, I was being redirected to becoming an entrepreneur, which is something I never imagined I could do nor did I ever think I wanted to do it.
Think of rejection as confirmation.
For me it was confirmation that I was in the wrong job at the wrong company and with the wrong person. We were a bad match with different values from day one. I was miserable being with someone who was insecure and controlling. I walked on eggshells, was judged, misunderstood, silenced and always on the defense from being falsely accused of various things.
Think of rejection as liberation. I know I do. I can finally breathe again and be myself. I don’t ever have to worry about the rug being pulled from under me.
Remember to keep rejection in proper perspective. One person’s opinion, or one single incident, should never define who you are. Don’t let your self-worth depend upon other people’s opinions of you. Just because someone else thinks something about you, doesn’t mean it’s true.
Rejection and closed doors aren’t always bad – sometimes they bring you to where you’re supposed to be. Trust the process no matter how hard things seem at the moment. Trust that nothing that is truly right for you will ever reject you.