I have met a lot of people throughout my life (especially over the past few years) who have been laser focused on their physical appearance and didn’t have much substance underneath.

I was in a relationship with a man who was overly concerned with his appearance and the finer things in life (and that’s a nice way of putting it).

I’ve never been with anyone who was more self-involved, selfish and status obsessed. I remember saying to him multiple times, “why don’t you give money to charity instead of spending it on expensive clothing, dermatology treatments, dinners, electronics and cars?” and I never got a real answer as to why he wasn’t doing anything good for the world. This was who he was – selfish and narcissistic – and I wasn’t going to change him. We were not together very long.

While beauty on the outside is great, looks fade with age and they’re of course subjective.

Here’s what I think is even more attractive and powerful than superficial looks.

  • Being self aware
  • Being your quirky self
  • Not caring what others think of you
  • Not apologizing for who you are
  • Standing up for what you believe in
  • Being brave enough to take risks
  • Harnessing the power of your intuition
  • Silencing noise from people who don’t have your best interests at heart
  • Being confident but not boastful
  • Apologizing when you make a mistake or hurt someone
  • Being passionate about achieving a goal
  • Not needing anyone else to be happy
  • Being able to laugh at yourself
  • Not being a mean girl or guy
  • Not being negatively influenced by your friends or family
  • Volunteering for a cause for which you feel passionate
  • Walking away from a job, friendship or relationship that is not right for you
  • Being able to admit you were wrong
  • Being able to take criticism and feedback from others
  • Acting on that feedback in a positive way
  • Offering to help others even when it might be inconvenient
  • Listening carefully to others when they speak
  • Genuinely caring about others without expecting anything in return
  • Doing good for the community
  • Humility
  • Forgiveness
  • Embracing your imperfections
  • Finding a career that challenges you and makes you excited to get up every day
  • Being a good friend, spouse, daughter/son, aunt/uncle, mother/father, etc.

Be good to yourself, and it will impact everyone around you positively. Do good for others and it will come back to you. Focus less on your appearance and spend more time and money on experiences, being with your family and friends, and doing good for your community.