Have you ever been told you’re too much? Too loud? Too open? Too honest? Too quiet? Too something?
I have been told that I am too much a few times.
The last time was a few years ago when I was at a dinner party with my ex, and his ex-girlfriend made that comment about me within earshot of me saying, “She’s a lot isn’t she?”
I guess I had been talking loudly or telling a story in an animated way.
I wanted to immediately leave or disappear and at first I just became quiet. But that’s not me. And the more I thought about it, the more I knew I needed to address it, especially since she is a mom of two teenage daughters herself. I went up to her and said, “I heard what you said about me, and I don’t think it’s kind, and I think we could all just benefit as women to be nicer to each other and set good examples for our kids.”
She was floored. She said that she didn’t mean anything by the comment and drank her wine.
The truth is, we’ll always be “too much” for some people. No matter what we say or do, there will be people who are annoyed, threatened or challenged by us.
Oftentimes it has nothing to do with us. But sometimes it does. Not everyone is going to like you. That’s just a fact and that’s okay. It took me a very long time to realize this and even longer to be okay with it.
I knew I was with the wrong person when he would tell me I was too social, too outgoing, too friendly to others and too independent.
I knew I was in the wrong job when I was told I had too much sunshine and needed to tone it down.
I knew I had the wrong friends when they would not celebrate my successes but yet seemed to criticize me and enjoy my failures.
Remember that these people are not your people. The right people won’t say these things to you.
Go ahead and give yourself permission to be your real self. You won’t ever been anything but too perfect for the right people.