A rough patch has a way of majorly shaking things up, giving you the impetus to take stock of your life, encourage you to rethink how you do things (and with whom you do them) and make positive changes in your life.
I constantly hear the voice of self-doubt in my head – “why do you always screw things up?” “how could you be so stupid to [fill in the blank]” “you’re a failure” “why do you always get in your own way?” So much of our negative self talk and the ways in which we hold ourselves back stems from our inner critic. We need to learn to not take direction from it, and instead learn how to use the voice of self-doubt to achieve success.
Here are some things I learned over the past year after going through a tough time. I wrote this article hoping that this list might help others who are experiencing challenges themselves.
- Don’t be afraid of change (your job, your relationship, your home, your friends)
- Pay close attention to who is there for you in times of need and crisis – that’s your tribe.
- Conversely, pay attention to who isn’t there in times of need and reevaluate whether you want them in your life.
- It’s okay to not be okay
- Don’t apologize for being you
- No one is perfect
- Always trust your gut
- Don’t change yourself to please others
- The only constant in life is change
- You can only control your own actions
- Don’t jump to conclusions
- Taking that one step further, don’t assume the worst unless you really have reason to. Believing the worst case scenario will happen will only give you anxiety.
- Assume good intent in people unless they prove you otherwise
- When you are facing a tough situation, ask yourself what advice you would give a friend who was going through it
- Remind yourself of three things for which you are grateful each day
- Focus on the present versus ruminate about the past or stress about the future
- Don’t dwell on your mistakes
- Stop self-doubting and self-sabotaging behaviors
- Let your failures propel you to greater success
- Do what you love – life is short
- Overcome your fear of rejection
- Don’t stay in relationships with toxic people
- Don’t agree to do more than you can manage
- It’s okay to say no
- You don’t need to prove your worth to anyone
- Others people’s opinions of you are just that – opinions
- You are deserving of good things
- Your past and your mistakes don’t define you – even Steve Jobs and Oprah majorly failed on their way to extraordinary success
- You can reinvent yourself at any time and start over. Sometimes it’s your choice and sometimes it isn’t, but you can do it – you have no other choice.
- Weed out the people in your life who seem to be using you
- Spend time with the elderly in your life – time is precious
- Give to charity – money and your time
- Set goals and work towards them
- Forgive yourself and others
- When someone shows you their true colors run
- The same red flags you ignore in the beginning will be the reason why things end. Trust me on this one.
- Take responsibility for your mistakes, for the way you act, react and respond
- Don’t worry about people who have removed themselves from your life
- You are stronger than you think
- Nothing is permanent. Especially feelings.
- It’s okay to ask for help
- Friends become enemies. Lovers become strangers. Life is cruel sometimes.
- Accept yourself for who you are and recognize your flaws
- Identify what you learned from past mistakes
- Practice being more in tune with your intuition
- Forgive yourself and accept your imperfections
- Don’t be a mean girl or engage in gossip
- Smile more and live in the moment
- Everything really does happen for a reason
- Pets are great companions and mood boosters (borrow one if you don’t have one, or volunteer at a shelter)