A quick tip for today to remind you to let go of things out of your control.
So much of life is out of our hands, and no matter how much we wish someone would do something or not do something, or act a certain way, they often wont.
It’s hard to realize that you can’t control what others say or do. You can only control your reactions to them, or how you don’t react, which is often better decision. It’s a tough lesson to learn but it’s so important to your well being and mental health. Walk away from people who treat you badly or anyone who seems to not have your best interests at heart.
I had a first-hand experience with this not too long ago where I didn’t walk away from a partner who was emotionally abusive to me and friends who stabbed me in the back. I let myself get hurt over and over. I didn’t protect myself. I was reckless to think that loving someone or being a good friend would be enough.
I kept trying to make it work when I should have walked – ran in fact – away from my ex-partner, who often accused me of things I did not do and was controlling and insecure. After finally ending it with me over another false accusation, he quickly started dating the woman I had suspected he was interested in – a mutual friend of ours. For weeks leading up to him leaving me, he told me I was crazy to think he was interested in her and that she wasn’t his type – all while picking on me and being awful to me – I guess to justify his actions. But I was right. Always trust your intuition.
She moved herself into our apartment soon after he kicked me out. Without a full-time job and facing some financial hardships, many mutual friends told me she targeted him because of the lifestyle he could provide to her. She used me to get close to him and he ate it up because he is such an insecure person who needs constant attention. He threw her a birthday party at our home where she was a guest many times. She told people we were never friends and they both smeared me to many people, in an attempt to justify what they had done. It was heartless and cruel.
I don’t know how people can just replace the person they loved and lived with so quickly. It said everything to me about who he is. I didn’t listen to red flags, and I didn’t protect myself. I try to see the best in people, and I hate change – maybe you’re like me, but you can’t ignore what people do and say and how they treat (or mistreat you). Actions always speak louder than words. And you have the right to stand up for yourself and say enough is enough.
It used to hurt every single day to think about being left and replaced like that. But it doesn’t anymore, because I know that the right person for me would never hurt me like that, lie to me or want to be away from me. I thank god that I didn’t marry him and that I finally found out what a fake friend I had in my life (one of them was involved in encouraging him to leave me for that woman – so much betrayal). I hope no one else ever has to go through something as life shattering as this – but I didn’t listen to the signs. When I saw them talking at events and saw texts from her pop up on his phone, I knew something was awry, I just didn’t want to believe it.
Remember what is meant for you will find you. You can’t force anything. And although life isn’t easy and people can be selfish and cruel, always aim to be the bigger person and assume good intent. Walk away from anyone who hurts you or lies to you. Life is too short and you (and I) deserve better. Keep your chin up.