I don’t believe in chasing anymore. This is often hard for Type-A people to do but it’s so important to learn this lesson professionally and personally.
Of course chase your dreams, but don’t chase after people – that means love interests, friends, family members, employers, clients or anyone else where you feel like you’re doing more than you should to prove your value or worth to them.
How we feel about ourselves within can determine our outside experiences, actions and interactions with those around us.
I used to chase things both professionally and personally – but I now believe in going where I’m wanted and putting my effort and time into people who put their effort and time in me.
Very often we try to win people over and we work harder at those relationships where we feel as if there’s a deficit in terms of what other people are giving us.
What I’ve learned is that when a relationship is not reciprocated it usually means we need to walk away. Often times we chase after something because of our ego getting into the way. We really don’t even really want what we’re chasing in most cases, but we can’t separate that from our wounded ego and the pursuit of what we’re going after. And there’s usually a much better and fulfilling relationship/job out there both personally and professionally when we finally let go of what we’ve been fighting for.
I’ll give you a quick example, when an ex broke up with me out of the blue, I was shocked. My initial reaction was to try to keep things together at all costs, no matter how unhappy I really had been, and what a bad match we were for each other and contrary to the evidence that he had been emotionally abusive to me and doing things behind my back that were not consistent with a monogamous relationship.
Once I stepped back from the situation and took my ego out of it, it became very clear to me that I was more upset about the way things had happened versus losing the person. And the shock of what had transpired was much worse then losing him. But our initial reaction is to hang onto what we have at all costs when it’s been taken away from us hence why we chase after people in certain cases. What he did to me was the best worst thing that ever happened to me.
I have seen many cases where this has happened to people I know when they are in the running for a job that they really want. So they will check in with the hiring manager or the supervisor multiple times, they will send an additional writing sample, or another reference. But here’s the thing when someone wants to hire you and they’re serious about it, you will not need to keep checking in or go above and beyond like this. They will be recording it and it will be a I have seen many cases where this has happened to people I know when they are in the running for a job that they really want. So they will check in with the hiring manager or the supervisor multiple times, they will send an additional writing sample or another reference.
But here’s the thing when someone wants to hire you and they’re serious about it, you will not need to keep checking in or go above and beyond like this. They will be courting you and it will be easy. Remember that being desperate or overly enthusiastic in this way will often turn off an employer.
So remember – don’t chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people – the ones who really belong in your life – will stay 🙌🏻