Wellness

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In 2007, I joined McKee Nelson, a young, entrepreneurial firm. In two short years there I learned more than I ever could have imagined. The market was booming and the firm was thriving. The marketing team was small so I had the opportunity to take on a lot of responsibility.

Then the market crashed and everything changed.

The firm had to make some tough but necessary decisions, but it did so in the most compassionate way. We were all in it together. They did the right thing for their people. McKee Nelson wound up merging with Bingham McCutchen and later became part of Morgan Lewis during another merger. I left before the first merger because I was craving stability, and what better place to find stability than the most stable firm in the world, Sullivan & Cromwell?

My experience at McKee was very rewarding because I made lifelong relationships with some of the smartest, kindest and honorable people in the industry, and it helped me to grow and learn what kind of professional I wanted to be.

I learned a few key lessons though this experience (as well as a few other tips) to build your alumni network: 

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June 28, 2019 was a beautiful sunny day in NYC.

It started just like any other Friday for me, I got up, walked my dog, said goodbye to my live-in boyfriend, headed to an early workout class and then to the office. Life was good. He and I texted throughout the day like we normally did, but his texts stopped around 4pm. I didn’t think anything of it because he was often very busy at work. So I went home, walked the dog and waited for him to come home so we could figure out our Friday night plans. We were about to leave for the summer house we rented, and I was busy packing pool floats and sunscreen.

I never got to go on that trip. The pool floats and sunscreen were returned. The course of my life changed that day.

Writing has always been a helpful outlet for me to process something, devise solutions to deal with it and then move on from it. I try to use my experiences to help others.

Recently publishing an article about mean girls was timely as I had yet another experience with one – this time in a social setting (I know many of you know this, but mean girls lurk not only in the workplace but in your personal life too, and when I say “mean girls” I am referring to mean women, who can continue to be catty, cruel and jealous way beyond their adolescent and teenage years). 

Women can be brutal to each other in and out of work.

Sometimes I feel like I’m still in high school even though I’m in my early 40s. This is due to the way I’ve been treated by certain women in my professional and personal life. Bullies from junior high and high school often grow up to become bullies in the workplace (as well as outside of work), resulting in many of us finding ourselves in situations that are unfortunately similar to our dark days of adolescence. The worst part – these mean girls are much stronger and vindictive.

Every single one of us has mean girl tendencies from time to time.

Sometimes it’s due to peer pressure. Sometimes it’s because something about them makes us feel bad about ourselves. I’m certainly not proud of it but I can own up to it. Why are we mean to other women when we should be supporting other women and having each other’s backs?

When a woman feels threatened, insecure or just dislikes another woman, she can engage in damaging actions, such as backstabbing, gossiping, purposely excluding someone from a meeting or social functions, sabotaging, taking credit for someone’s work or helping to push someone out of a job or a social circle. Maybe you’ve experienced some of these behaviors by another woman in the workplace or even in your personal life. Please know that you aren’t alone.

I call this the dark side of female relationships.